loving someone to death

So my Nina and I are watching TV last night after we put the boys to bed. We starting watching this really sad show on I think it was TLC. It was about people who struggled with weight. When I say weight I don’t mean just a little bit of weight. The particular show we were watching was called “half ton teen.” You catch my drift? So anyway, this nineteen year old kid was having a weight problem. His name was Billy by the way. He ended up going to some special treatment center in which they deal with these types of weight issues, large weight issues. So when Billy hit the scales he weighed in at 799 pounds. It was imperative that they get him to this treatment center so that they could basically save his life. You know the most interesting part of the entire show was not so much that he needed to lose all the weight, Lord we all know that he needed to do so. For me, the interesting part was what I think is the reason he got that way. Near the middle of the show they start talking to his mother about something that happened to her earlier in her life. This traumatic event happened before Billy was even born. You see Billy would have had an older brother but the older brother died when he was just nineteen months old. (The show did not go into how the brother died.) Anyway, it was very apparent to me that once his mom got pregnant with him she had already decided that she would do everything in her power to protect him and do everything for him. At one point she shares how when Billy got to be nineteen months and one day old she and her husband celebrated. Then they celebrated at 20 months, 21 months, 22 months and so on. In other words each and every day that Billy survived past nineteen months was a celebration of his very life. Now his mom did give thanks to God continually throughout the show. But here is the thing, she made an extreme emotional connection to Billy early on and would do everything for him. You see she had lost one child and and decided in her heart and mind that she would not lose this one. The irony of losing a child at nineteen months and now she was close to losing one at nineteen years. (Billy’s weight was at a point in which his life was in danger.) Billy’s mom even talked to him as if he were a small child. Towards the end of the show it became apparent with the staff that was treating Billy at the hospital that his mother was a hindrance to his recovery. Whenever she was around he was not as motivated to accomplish tasks on his own. He would often complain about aches and pains more often when mom was around. You see mom was in the process of loving him so much that she was out of balance and was loving him towards the grave. Even after an initial surgery to prepare him for gastric bypass he developed a clot in his leg that became life threatening. His mom stood in the hallway and said, “if he dies they might as well put me in the casket with him.” Mom had nothing else to live for and she even expressed that. I guess all of this makes me think about how often we as people mean well and have a desire to do for the people we love. Unfortunately, we can “love” someone so much that it becomes a detriment to their health. I think about when parents enable their children in addictive situations with drugs and alcohol. (really no different in this situation except that the drug of choice was food.) In all of this I really can’t say that I blame the mom though. What the mom really needed was someone to come alongside her when she was hurting so desperately when she lost her first child. Someone who could counsel her and love her through that tough time. No one really knows how losing a child can affect someone. I can’t even begin to imagine how tough that would be. So I really do have some compassion for this woman. At the same time it makes me realize how vital the church could and should be in situations of trauma. We could and should be the hands and feet of Christ to love people through life. That is why community is vital. That is why being a part of a spiritual community is vital. Then and only then can we be there for each other to balance our love so that we can lead healthy whole lives so that our trauma doesn’t affect those around us. So balance your love. Don’t love too little and don’t love too much. Seems weird to say that doesn’t it?

capturing moments

            I recently attended my nephew’s first birthday party. As you can imagine it was a pretty big deal. It made me think about what Britney Spears must feel like with all the paparazzi in her face with all of those flashes! I’m not kidding; I may have been one of the few that didn’t have a camera in my hands constantly taking pictures or video. It was a sight to see. We were trying to capture each and every moment. It is one of those times in life in which it is imperative that we not miss a single moment. We all want to make sure that we capture those moments so that we can look back on them and reflect on how good they were. Did you know that God often does the same thing?  He wants us to capture those moments so that we can reflect on His goodness. Take a few minutes and look back at Joshua chapters 3-4. God had just taken the Israelites through the Jordan River on dry ground and he wanted them to set up a “reminder” so that they would remember the moment. Also when generations after them came and asked about those “reminder’s” God’s people could share the story of what God has done and reflect on His goodness. How about you? Can you reflect on the previous year and remember those moments in which God worked in your life? Have you done anything to “capture” them for future generations? If not, what are your goals to make sure that you capture them in 2009? One of the goals I have is to be more consistent with journaling so that I can capture moments that I want to share with my children and my children’s children. They need to be able to look back and see how their father or grandfather was led by the Lord, whether times were good or bad. That is my goal for this year…what is yours? Spend some time with your family sharing those moments from the past year and then spend time praying about how to best capture those moments in the next.