So I am reading a Kurt Vonnegut book called A Man Without a Country. I have never read any Vonnegut but I have always heard great things about him. This book appears to be a little different from his other writing though. It says that this is the closest that we will ever get to a memoir. Interesting thing though is how disturbing the ending is for me. You see, Vonnegut is 82 years old when he writes this book and it is written about two years before his death.  It seems to me that near the end of life Vonnegut is saying that life is pretty hopeless. At one point he even says, ” life is no way to treat an animal.” Ouch.

I needed to pause for a moment because I was getting fairly depressed even though I do not agree with Vonnegut whatsoever. I looked out my front window and notice a man ride by on his bike. This man I know from seeing frequently at another place in our community. Funny thing is that when I saw him ride by I thought to myself one word…scowl. Reason? Every time I see this guy, which is about once a week, he has a scowl on his face. He is an older gentleman that I would guess is in his mid to late sixties. No kidding really, he usually has this expression on his face of sheer misery. As a matter of fact, as I read this morning I thought that is what Vonnegut must look  like.

Hmmmm…so, I turned the television on for a few minutes. I noticed there is a video coming on VH1 by Uncle Kracker. The song is called “smile.” This is just what I needed. The chorus:

You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed sing like bird
Dizzy in my head spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh you make me smile

Now, I can only imagine, like most songs, that this song is about a girl that makes him smile. What I really think is cool is that it can be so applicable to Jesus who does the same. Check out this other part of the same song:

Don´t know how I lived without you
Cuz everytime that I get around you
I see the best of me inside your eyes
You make me smile
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild

Wow…that could be anyone describing their Lord and Savior. As a matter of fact, that could be me describing the Jesus that rescued me, gave me hope for a future, and makes me smile.

Yes, I struggle with folks sometimes who can’t seem to wipe the scowl off of their face, or who share the hopelessness and misery of our days. But this I know: God is sovereign over all of creation. He has it firmly in His grasp. He has me firmly in His grasp. What a beautiful Savior. What a beautiful Lord. What beautiful life He gives.

And, He makes me smile.

So this year I was out of town the day of my Nina’s birthday. I was at the National Youth Workers Convention in Atlanta and was expected to return home the day of her birthday. So I did what I should have done and set some things in motion so that she could still have a great day. Little did I know that my two amazing little boys were going to make it even that much more special for their mom. I made sure that I got a couple of cards for Nina, one from the boys that they could sign and one from me. I knew that Nina wanted to get her hair done so I made sure that I called and got her an appointment. I also got her a gift card to the mall from the boys and I. I know it doesn’t sound too romantic but I knew with Thanksgiving, Christmas, and all the get togethers associated with work and family coming she would appreciate a gift card for some new clothes. (And I am sure that she would not have appreciated the clothes that I would have picked out!) Anyway, it was so simple but yet so well thought out. I gave the boys the cards and the gift card to give to their mother the morning of her birthday. Little did I know that they were going to plan something a little extra and also very special. The day before her birthday they took a pizza box and cut it to create a tray that they could use to make momma breakfast in bed. They also climbed to the top of a closet to find a gift bag that they could put all the cards and special homemade letters and drawings that they did for her. So on the morning of Nina’s birthday two little boys walked into their mother’s room and gave her breakfast: a bowl of cereal, her favorite yogurt, and a banana. They also took the time to write something special on the tray. Wow, two amazing little boys that Nina and I get the privilege of raising to be amazing young men. I am probably not even close to being the best dad in the world but on this day they made me feel as if I had done some things right. Caleb and Brennan are hopefully learning to be noble young men of character that treat the women in their lives with the greatest of respect and character. God you are so good, and today I thank you for those two special little fella’s that you have placed in my life. God, your love endures forever.

Today I went to my son’s program in which he got his certificate for completing kindergarten. It was interesting. As you have maybe experienced if you are a parent you will notice that each and every child is excited to see their parent. (If they know that they can expect one there.) Each child is very anxious to see their parent. As soon as they walk into the auditorium they look all around to find you. Brennan did that today. It was if once he knew I was there and where I was sitting he could remain calm. Every few minutes he would look over his shoulder and I would catch him looking at me and he would just smile. He just wanted to make sure his father was there. As always I ask you the question, ‘what about you?” Do you know of times in your life in which you are like a child and you are looking for your Father? Do you notice whether He is there or not? Are you sensitive to His presence? Do you have the faith of a child to anxiously realize that the Father is there to cheer you on in whatever is your endeavor? My hope and my prayer is that you would. The heavenly Father wants you to know that He is ever-present and He is watching and He is so very proud of you. I hope and pray that as you live a Spirit led life He is proud to be called your Abba Father.

The other day I had an interesting thought. I was sitting in church and the couple next to me was sitting with their teenage daughter. I did not recognize her or them even though I am the student minister at my church. As I sat there through the service I noticed that the parents were very engaged in everything that was going on in the service. The interesting thing is that the daughter didn’t seem to be engaged at all. As a matter of fact it appeared as if she was getting ready to go before a firing squad! She was not interested in what was going on at all. It was obvious, she did not want to be there. So I began to pray. (All the while trying to pay attention to the sermon. Me multi-task? Failure!) Anyway, there was one word that God began to tattoo on my mind. It was really weird actually. That word was – ANSWER. You know, you would think that because I am a youth minister I could easily step in and talk with people to ask them about there daughter. But I have to admit, there are times when it just does not come easy, and for some reason this was one of those times. But there it came to my mind again – ANSWER. I even thought of a situation in my own family in which parents had struggled with a teenage daughter at one time. (This daughter is now incredibly passionate about the Lord, yay!) And there it came once again…ANSWER. What if there had been a time in their lives in which they sat in church with their daughter and someone noticed this same kind of attitude from a teenage daughter sitting in church with their parents or sitting anywhere for that matter. What if it was just at a restaurant. Remember the word – ANSWER. So back to my experience on that day. God compelled me after the service to talk with these parents and introduce myself to them and ask about their daughter. (The daughter had walked off immediately once the service was over.) To be quite honest nothing major came from me talking to them other than just getting to know them and also letting them know that I was the youth minister and I would love to have their daughter involved in the youth ministry. But here is the thing, ANSWER. Why the word ANSWER? Well here is why: God laid it on my heart because He wanted me to realize too often that I could be the ANSWER to someone’s prayer. Too often people are persevering in prayer that someone, anyone, will reach out to them, a relative, or even a friend. They know that they have talked and talked with their loved one or friend until they were “blue in the face” and that the person they love shut them out. It is like the prodigal that would not listen to his father. But what if someone else had come along and been the ANSWER to a prayer to reach out to the prodigal? I believe too often we get stuck in our own fears and insecurities to step out in faith and trust that God wants us to be an ANSWER in someone’s life. So who is it? You know, right now, there is someone that you need to reach out to and BE THE ANSWER to someone’s prayer. The question is, are you willing?

I love weddings. I know, I know. It’s rare that a guy says that I think. But I am at a point in my life where I really enjoy them. Actually when I really care about the two people getting married of course it is even more meaningful. I love to be a part of a worship service in which two people spiritually become one. God is taking two lives that previously were separate and He is making them one. Isn’t God cool? I mean I am reminded of who I was and what I was like before marriage and I have to admit that it was pretty scary. Keep in mind I was a Christian but it didn’t mean that I wasn’t still completely selfish about life in general. Marriage for the first time really forced me to think through what it meant to be completely selfless. For the first time in my life I had to think about someone else’s needs and wants. Then came children and my world really got rocked! Anyway, so marriage is a supernatural event. I really found myself in deep worship just yesterday. I got to witness the joinings of two lives. Faith McKinnon and AJ Parry were married yesterday. It was awesome to see and hear how God worked in their lives and brought them together. It was also awesome for Christina, the boys, and I to be there and to see so many friends. One really cool part of the ceremony was when Pastor Dave Rhodes spoke about what it means to enter into a covenant with another. These two people were standing before all of us and making a covenant agreement with each other, us, and most importantly God. God is always doing His part if we would just be willing to do our part and fully commit to Him. I wish it was easy to stay fully committed. Reality is that it just is not easy to always be fully committed. Marriage is a commitment that takes work and so is our relationship with Christ, it takes work. It was interesting in our worship service today that one of our pastor’s spoke on this very issue, commitment. The interesting thing is the very pastor was Greg McKinnon, the father of yesterday’s bride! So just as a wedding reminds me of a union between two souls and God, it also reminds me of my union with Christ. I must be willing to stand before him and say that I am willing to “forsake all others.” How about you? Are you forsaking everyone and everything else for Him? Here comes the bride.

So my Nina and I are watching TV last night after we put the boys to bed. We starting watching this really sad show on I think it was TLC. It was about people who struggled with weight. When I say weight I don’t mean just a little bit of weight. The particular show we were watching was called “half ton teen.” You catch my drift? So anyway, this nineteen year old kid was having a weight problem. His name was Billy by the way. He ended up going to some special treatment center in which they deal with these types of weight issues, large weight issues. So when Billy hit the scales he weighed in at 799 pounds. It was imperative that they get him to this treatment center so that they could basically save his life. You know the most interesting part of the entire show was not so much that he needed to lose all the weight, Lord we all know that he needed to do so. For me, the interesting part was what I think is the reason he got that way. Near the middle of the show they start talking to his mother about something that happened to her earlier in her life. This traumatic event happened before Billy was even born. You see Billy would have had an older brother but the older brother died when he was just nineteen months old. (The show did not go into how the brother died.) Anyway, it was very apparent to me that once his mom got pregnant with him she had already decided that she would do everything in her power to protect him and do everything for him. At one point she shares how when Billy got to be nineteen months and one day old she and her husband celebrated. Then they celebrated at 20 months, 21 months, 22 months and so on. In other words each and every day that Billy survived past nineteen months was a celebration of his very life. Now his mom did give thanks to God continually throughout the show. But here is the thing, she made an extreme emotional connection to Billy early on and would do everything for him. You see she had lost one child and and decided in her heart and mind that she would not lose this one. The irony of losing a child at nineteen months and now she was close to losing one at nineteen years. (Billy’s weight was at a point in which his life was in danger.) Billy’s mom even talked to him as if he were a small child. Towards the end of the show it became apparent with the staff that was treating Billy at the hospital that his mother was a hindrance to his recovery. Whenever she was around he was not as motivated to accomplish tasks on his own. He would often complain about aches and pains more often when mom was around. You see mom was in the process of loving him so much that she was out of balance and was loving him towards the grave. Even after an initial surgery to prepare him for gastric bypass he developed a clot in his leg that became life threatening. His mom stood in the hallway and said, “if he dies they might as well put me in the casket with him.” Mom had nothing else to live for and she even expressed that. I guess all of this makes me think about how often we as people mean well and have a desire to do for the people we love. Unfortunately, we can “love” someone so much that it becomes a detriment to their health. I think about when parents enable their children in addictive situations with drugs and alcohol. (really no different in this situation except that the drug of choice was food.) In all of this I really can’t say that I blame the mom though. What the mom really needed was someone to come alongside her when she was hurting so desperately when she lost her first child. Someone who could counsel her and love her through that tough time. No one really knows how losing a child can affect someone. I can’t even begin to imagine how tough that would be. So I really do have some compassion for this woman. At the same time it makes me realize how vital the church could and should be in situations of trauma. We could and should be the hands and feet of Christ to love people through life. That is why community is vital. That is why being a part of a spiritual community is vital. Then and only then can we be there for each other to balance our love so that we can lead healthy whole lives so that our trauma doesn’t affect those around us. So balance your love. Don’t love too little and don’t love too much. Seems weird to say that doesn’t it?

            I recently attended my nephew’s first birthday party. As you can imagine it was a pretty big deal. It made me think about what Britney Spears must feel like with all the paparazzi in her face with all of those flashes! I’m not kidding; I may have been one of the few that didn’t have a camera in my hands constantly taking pictures or video. It was a sight to see. We were trying to capture each and every moment. It is one of those times in life in which it is imperative that we not miss a single moment. We all want to make sure that we capture those moments so that we can look back on them and reflect on how good they were. Did you know that God often does the same thing?  He wants us to capture those moments so that we can reflect on His goodness. Take a few minutes and look back at Joshua chapters 3-4. God had just taken the Israelites through the Jordan River on dry ground and he wanted them to set up a “reminder” so that they would remember the moment. Also when generations after them came and asked about those “reminder’s” God’s people could share the story of what God has done and reflect on His goodness. How about you? Can you reflect on the previous year and remember those moments in which God worked in your life? Have you done anything to “capture” them for future generations? If not, what are your goals to make sure that you capture them in 2009? One of the goals I have is to be more consistent with journaling so that I can capture moments that I want to share with my children and my children’s children. They need to be able to look back and see how their father or grandfather was led by the Lord, whether times were good or bad. That is my goal for this year…what is yours? Spend some time with your family sharing those moments from the past year and then spend time praying about how to best capture those moments in the next.

I’m reading in Jeremiah right now. This is pretty sobering. I just finished reading in chapter 20 in which Jeremiah is complaining to God about the state of things. “Curse the day I was born?” Wow, who would say that? I guess Jeremiah would.  I would have to be having an incredibly awful day to ever say or even think that! (So far I have not had one of those days!) The thing that is interesteing is what caught my attention in a passage just a few chapters over from the “curse the day I was born” rant. It is something that the Lord says about Jehoiakim, the son of Josiah king of Judah: “I warned you when you felt secure, but you said, ‘I will not listen!’ This has been your way from your youth; you have not obeyed me.” (Jeremiah 22:21) I guess the part that really gets my attention is when Jehoiakim was “warned when he was secure.” It makes me think about how often we can “feel” so secure and failure, sin, or turmoil is right around the corner. I hope and pray that God can get my attention even when I feel so secure. It reminds me of the pride that comes directly before a fall. (Proverbs 16:18) So I want to be sensitive to the Spirit within that warns me of impending troubles. But for me to do that I have to allow the Spirit within the room to work and grow me into the person that God desires for me to be. And that my friend is a life long process. I do not ever want to get to a place in which I feel secure or comfortable about life and how I handle it. I want to be like Paul in which he says, “Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.” (Philippians 3:12) For me, that is being secure…pursuing a life of growing in the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ.

It was the Wednesday after our dear friend and brother in Christ was buried. The day before we had just attended his funeral. We all needed to be together and celebrate his life. As I have said before Taylor Haugen lived a beautiful life. It became very apparent on the Wednesday night after he died that he touched so many. We laughed and laughed. The night began with two of Taylor’s best friends sharing stories of absolute joy with “T.” Trenton Kilby and Taylor Nixon had us laughing very hard as they shared their stories of fun and mischief. Once we began person after person came and shared stories of fun and laughter. These were stories of which Taylor was at the center trying to figure out how to make the most out of life and fun. It was all nourishment to our very souls. We celebrated who Taylor was with tears of absolute joy. I could only think of how these students were doing ministry as they shared their stories about precious memories to sooth our saddened spirits. I prayed and thanked the good Lord that He was in the midst of it all. It was very obvious that the Holy Spirit showed up to commune with us and to minister to our spirits as students shared stories of life. It was an amazing night. There is no doubt that all of our lives will be different because of the impact that Taylor Reid Haugen had on all of us, adults and students alike. We will miss you my friend, but thank you for loving Christ, and loving life the way you did and sharing it with us with such joy.